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Mental Models and Social Situations

Chris Mahoney
Better Humans
Published in
10 min readJul 20, 2021

A man underneath a chalkboard with gears drawn on it.
The Gears Of The Mind
(Image by ChristianChan on Shutterstock)

Our mental models are deeply engrained images of how we see the world and how we react in different scenarios and situations (McShane, Travaglione & Olekalns 2010, p. 91; Senge 2006, p. 164).

When I meet someone for the first time, my mental models greatly influence my perceptions of them: their words, their expressions, their reactions. And by extension, these mental models then influence my thoughts and actions in that situation: how I behave, how I speak, even my subconscious mannerisms. As a result, that first meeting can make for a pleasant first impression or an embarrassingly regrettable occasion.

Conversely, I believe that my mental models also limit my perceptions of the other people I meet. This is because I am basing my conclusions on two things: a single, short meeting, and on my filtered model of the world which has been developed over my entire lifetime. Which leaves me with limited inferential flexibility, and the possibility of a prejudicial conclusion (Ormerod 2000, cited in Johnson-Laird 2001, p. 436; Markman & Gentner 2001, p. 230).

It is interesting that there are different terms used for ‘mental models.’ For example, ‘cognitive maps’ (De Wit & Meyer 2010, p. 31; Chermack 2003, p. 412), ‘cognitive schemata’ (Anderson 1983; Pazy 1994, p. 1172; Lewis & Durrant 2011, p. 343), ‘knowledge structures’ (Lyles & Schwenk 1992, p. 155; Walsh 1995, p. 281), and ‘construed reality’ (Finkelstein & Hambrick 1996).

What Does This Actually Mean?

Person thinking
The Question Mark
(Image by Micah Abraham on CalmClinic)

For me, personally, I believe that I use a differentiation process of social stereotyping, combined with the attribution process of behavioural observation (McShane, Travaglione & Olekalns 2010, pp. 92–4), to achieve a self-fulfilling prophecy (Choo 2006, p. 90) of mutual respect and friendship. What that means is that I look at the differences between me and my audience to stereotype them, then I observe patterns in their behaviour to develop attributes and characteristics about them, which then results in a self-fulfilling prophecy that makes me think I have made a new friend. This happens subconsciously — and in the blink of an eye. And to a certain extent, I think that we all tend to do this. In our own way.

Jackson & Smith (1999, p.121) proposed a set of ‘social identity dimensions’, which effectively categorises a number of different types of identities, which we are all somehow subconsciously already aware of. So, there will inherently always be a difference between how I perceive those dimensions, and how another person will also perceive them. My own mental models of how I see the world will help me to understand those differences between me and the other person.

The Attribution theory provides an explanation about how people make causal explanations and deal with making causal inferences (Kelley 1973, p. 107). I feel like I use this to observe whether a persons’ behaviour is predominately influenced by internal or external factors (McShane, Travaglione & Olekalns 2010, p. 94). My mental models filter my thoughts and actions with the intention to make a respectable first impression, one which emphasises mutual respect and friendship. Therefore, through the filter of my mental models, and with the observance of their behaviour, I can fairly quickly ascertain whether or not they also want to spark a friendship with me.

In his book titled “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Carnegie (1999, p. 123) states that:

If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering.

As a result, if I am truly to make a friend during that first meeting, I need to be interested in them. I need to be aware of myself, and my own mental models. And I need to be acutely conscious that my thoughts, words, and actions, will all be observed and perceived by the other person. And they, too, have their own mental models and life experiences.

First Example: Meeting a Family Friend

Two minds merged
The Alignment Of Two Minds
(Image by Lakeisha Ethans)

However, the question needs to be asked: ‘so what?’.

What does this mean about how my mental models assist my perceptions when I meet a person for the first time? For this, I refer to the 11 schemata’s postulated by Pazy (1994, p. 1172). In particular, I relate well to one in particular: that of ‘relying on professional background’ (Pazy, 1994, p. 1174);. However, I’d take this model one step further to say ‘relying on personal experience.’

This is because in the past, as a young boy, I have said and done some rather embarrassing things when meeting a person for the first time. For example, I remember when I was perhaps nine or ten years old, and my parents introduced me to a really attractive family friend. She was really cute, however, she was noticeably older than I was. As I had not yet had much life experience, and my mental models were still forming, the encounter turned out to be slightly embarrassing for me.

“Hello,” I said. And nearly straight away, I blurted out, “You’re really pretty.”

I said this without thinking of the ramifications of such a statement and regretted it practically straight away.

She laughed and brushed it off, saying “Aww, aren’t you cute,” and patted me on the head.

Embarrassed that I would say such a statement not only in public but to such a close family friend, I resolved in the future to not be so blunt when I meet someone for the first time. Subconsciously, this forced me to alter my mental model of the world, to not make such open and personal statements to someone I have only just met. This experience (along with many, many, many others in my life) has shaped me into the person I am today.

Nowadays, although I may think that a particular lady is very attractive, I don’t vocalise these thoughts because it is not in line with the mental model I use when I meet a person. My mental model allows me to filter my thoughts and actions, allowing both my new acquaintance and myself to have a mutually respectful and beneficial interaction.

The Limitations of Mental Models

Person in box
Self Limitation
(Image by DNY59 on iStockPhotos)

In contrast, my mental models also limit my perceptions when I am meeting a person for the first time because they restrict the amount of information that is being received by my brain at any one time. I have constructed my mental models of the world to filter through the myriad of external information and stimuli which I receive.

Johnson-Laird (2001, p. 436) explains that this filtering process is a consequence of the limitations of a persons’ working memory and ability to process large amounts of information at once. As described by Magzan (2012), our mental models are frameworks developed over time. They are often hidden to the extent that we are unaware of them and their effects on our behaviour, and once created are fixed and reinforced in our mind, becoming difficult to change.

Indeed, my mental models do assist me to understand and appreciate a persons’ character. However, at the same time, they limit the amount of information received about the person I am meeting. Furthermore, my mental models have the potential to limit my perceptions of the person themselves.

That is, what if the person I am meeting doesn’t want to talk about themselves? What if they are particularly introverted and don’t appreciate extended conversations? Or what if they are particularly private and only want to meet me for business purposes? Or perhaps the other person wants me to talk about myself? Or what if they are attracted to me, and due to my own mental model, I don’t vocalise that or provide any signs or mannerisms that I like them back? Or what if the other person is in a rush, and simply doesn’t have the time or inclination to have a long-winded conversation with me?

This sort of confusion is a limitation and a result of my (potentially wrong) mental models of how an introductory conversation should be conducted. From this, there is potential for me to make an ill-informed, prejudicial conclusion about the person I am meeting. Consequently, when I meet a person for the first time, my mental models limit the amount of information that my brain is receiving during the meeting. It is on this filtered information that I am basing my conclusions about a person, and how openly and friendly I converse with them.

Second Example: Meeting a Business Associate

Two people shaking hands
Intense Communication
(Image by PeopleImages on iStockPhotos)

Again, the question needs to be asked: ‘so what?’.

This time, I will refer to another example from my personal experience, however a more recent one. Last year, I attended a networking event and was introduced to a business associate and customer of the company I work for. I met him toward the end of the function. He was a polite, middle-aged gentleman, not too outspoken, and very knowledgeable about his organisation and about the industry more broadly.

I asked him questions about himself, about the company he works for, and his experiences over his working career. Questions I thought would be insightful and interesting for him to answer. His answers, though, were short, and the conversation didn’t last long. The event concluded soon after.

However, in that time I was able to gain a good understanding of him, his experience, and his company. Afterward, I thanked him and went on my way.

The colleague who introduced us pointed out to me that during the short meeting, the man was leaning slightly away from me and had his body pointed adjacent to mine. My colleague mentioned that this could have been because he was eager to leave, he was disinterested in what I was saying, or that he felt as though his personal space was intruded on by my enthusiasm and constant questioning.

This was something that I didn’t notice because I was trying to be friendly toward him and find out what interests him. In hindsight, I can see that my mental models filtered out the body-language signals that indicated he didn’t appreciate being asked a barrage of questions. Things always look better in hindsight, and if I could meet him for the first time, again, I perhaps wouldn’t ask so many questions and would tell some stories from my experience that were akin to his experiences.

As shown, this is an example of how the mental models, which I hold about the world, filter through the information that is being received by my brain. It lead me to believe that the person I met was comfortable talking about himself, when maybe he only wanted to talk about business, or perhaps he was simply tired and wanted to go home for the day.

Conclusion

Conclusively, my mental models greatly assist my perceptions of a person when I meet them for the first time. They also assist me to make a beneficial first impression by filtering my thoughts and actions, allowing me to share respect with the new friend I have made. However, this filtering process also limits the amount of information that is received by my brain. The filtering limits the information I receive, and my perceptions during the meeting. Therefore, I’m basing my conclusions about the person I am meeting on the relatively short introductory meeting and discussion, which may result in incorrect prejudicial inferences being made about their character.

People meeting
Pleased To Meet You
(Image by G-Stock Studio on Shutterstock)

References

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Carnegie, D 1999, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Harper Collins Publishers, Pymble, Sydney.

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Better Humans
Better Humans

Published in Better Humans

Better Humans is one of the largest and oldest Medium’s publications on self-improvement and personal development. Our goal is to bring you the world’s most helpful writing on human potential.

Chris Mahoney
Chris Mahoney

Written by Chris Mahoney

I’m a keen Data Scientist and Business Leader, interested in Innovation, Digitisation, Best Practice & Personal Development. Check me out: chrimaho.com

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